There comes a time for every couple where they decide whether having a baby is a good idea. Some couples choose to leave it later than others in life to have a baby, where others are already planning to get down and dirty on the kitchen floor right after they get married. It doesn't matter what people say, there is never any “right time” to have a baby, and if you are unique, you’ll also learn that there is no “right way” to have one, either.

Babies cannot be ordered at the pizza place and dropped off, all pink and perfect. No, babies are not easy, and it’s not just hard when they arrive. It’s hard trying to get them to arrive at all. Childbirth is a slog, pregnancy is a slog, and trying to conceive a baby can be just heartbreaking. There is no one way to make a mother, and if you are in the very unlucky group of women who discover that they have been touched by infertility, you’re going to feel that in your soul. Your body is supposed to know what to do: release an egg, fertilize it, grow it into a baby - bingo. However, some women just don’t have that same level of luck that others have, and it’s heartbreaking. The doctors appointments feel invasive, the information is overwhelming and it can feel downright unfair that the “getting down and dirty” doesn't just make a baby. 

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The good news in all of this heartbreak? There is way more than one way to make a baby. From artificial insemination to adoption and back again, you can fill that yearning and have the baby of your dreams. With the right help and advice, you can be a mother and you will have a precious baby in your arms to love. Below, we’re going to take you through your options.

• IUI - Intrauterine Insemination

This nifty little trick is perfect for those couples who are doing everything right but nothing is happening. What it means is that the sperm from your partner or donor is matched with an egg inside the uterus. Your cycle is tracked and a trigger shot used at the right time to induce ovulation. The sperm is then placed into the womb at the optimal time in the month and you cross your fingers for a positive test two weeks later. It’s around as invasive as a pap smear is, and you may have some cramping. The cost of IUI varies from place to place and clinic to clinic, but it’s a method of conception that allows you to carry your own baby.

• DIY Method

If you are a same-sex couple, or a heterosexual couple looking for extra help but cannot afford the IUI at a clinic, they go it the old-fashioned turkey baster method. Many women are also finding that if they have sex and use a Mooncup or similar menstrual cup afterwards, they can keep sperm close to the cervix in the hope of preventing “run off”. It’s not generally advised to use a cup when not on a period, but as long as the environment is as clean and sterile as possible it’s proving to be a good method for conception. The turkey baster method works best with a donor and a same-sex couple, with sperm-friendly lube and pillows under the hips for ten minutes after insemination to help your chances.

• IVF

This is a popular option for most couples who have exhausted all other - cheaper - options. IVF requires the extraction of eggs from the female and the sperm from the male is deposited into a cup. In a lab, the sperm and egg are mixed and watched for fertilization. On day 5, when the egg and sperm have turned into a blastocyst, it’s reimplanted back into the womb of the mother. This is all done under strict watch of the menstrual cycle so that the best possible chance of conception is reached. It’s not a cheap procedure, so bear that in mind!

• Surrogacy

If you cannot carry your own child, then your other option of a child that is biologically yours is surrogacy. There are two methods: traditional surrogacy where you use the womb and egg of the surrogate with the sperm of your partner, or gestational surrogacy, which is IVF with a surrogate. Your sperm and egg are mixed to create the blastocyst and this is implanted into the womb of your surrogate. Surrogacy can be expensive depending on where you are in the world, so bear this in mind.

There is more than one way to make a mother, and you can still have your dream - with a little research. Good luck!